This past Sunday I was making my way to a friend’s apartment. We had plans to go out, as we always do, because we are very cool.
I was but 5 minutes away from her place when disaster struck in the form of a bug. Some neanderthal insect flew directly into my left eye, and in the middle of the sidewalk, I was forced to desperately pry it off my contact lens. Soon after that, my eye turned a shade of red I’d like to call “NOT CUTE”.
After about an hour of panicking over what I was CONVINCED was an exotic bug disease, my vigorous application of eye drops kicked in and I was better than ever.
Here, I list the ten possible reasons why this bug flew into my eye.
- He wanted to wear my shade of eyeball. He saw my eyeball and said to himself “I THINK THAT’S GOING TO REALLY BRING OUT MY ANTENNAE. I MUST DRAPE MYSELF IN THAT COLOUR.”
- He mistook my eye for his friend Brenda. Brenda usually looks like a human eyeball. He wanted to at least give her a friendly hug, because gosh darn it, it’s been awhile.
- He simply took a wrong turn. It was either go left or go eyeball, and he just really wasn’t sure which choice was the right choice.
- He’s a daredevil. He thought to himself “Hey, you know what I haven’t done yet? Bungee jumping. You know what else I haven’t done? Flying into an eyeball. YOLOOOOOOOOO”.
- He had never seen a contact lens before and figured this was his once-in-a-lifetime shot to get up and personal with one.
- He wasn’t himself that day. He was tired, frustrated, and generally out of it, and just didn’t care where he ended up. Happens to bugs too, y’all.
- He thought my eye was the door to Narnia. In his defence, if I thought I saw the door to Narnia I would also just go for it. IT’S NARNIA.
- He thought my eye was a mirror. He saw something in his teeth when he glanced at me, and was simply trying for a better look.
- He’s troubled. He loves to cause misery wherever he goes. Just last week he slapped a dog in the face.
- He’s a bug with a small bug brain and I’m probably over-thinking this.