Now, I’m only 22 (for another month) but here are some lessons I’ve learned about “growing up”:
- At a certain point your metabolism sits you down and says “I think we should start seeing other people” and moves on to a younger model immediately. As an adult, you actually have to do things like eat right and work out to maintain your figure/overall health.
- Everything costs money. Credit card bills need to get paid. Watching your spending becomes a thing. I have said “first drink is on me” to many people, but I have checked, and it turns out I am not made of money. Better luck next promise.
- Driving was fun for about 5 minutes after I got my license. In the years that followed, it became a real pain in my rear. Parking? What makes you think I’m interested in doing that? Hello public transportation, you beautiful little treat.
- Finding a job is not as easy as realizing your next-door-neighbor has a kid that could REALLY USE YOUR BABYSITTING SKILLS. It takes work, determination, and optimism in the face of rejection.
- This one goes out to all the people who live alone: there is no one else around to kill that spider for you.
- You might not be able to continue wearing offensive clothing. Goodbye, tank top with massive middle finger on it. Actually, that may never have been appropriate.
- You need to liberate space in your brain for learning, so that you can keep up in school or in your place of work. Knowing an entire Kanye West song off by heart is less and less impressive as the years roll on.
- Go out and party when there’s all this nothing to do in bed? I DON’T THINK SO. Generally, if the weather is in any way “not spring” or “not summer”, there’s no real reason for me to try and have any fun.
- Saying “like” in every sentence is akin to dragging your nails down a chalkboard. I can’t get away with this anymore, but dear god do I want to.
- Music is too loud. TV is too loud. Everything is too loud, including my own thought process. Peace and quiet for the absolute win.