I love hats. Enjoy this list of reasons explaining why I love hats then feel free to buy me hats.
- Bad hair days. This is a classic. Sometimes you wake up and you just think to yourself “…damn, there’s no way around it, I look as if I have no one in my life who loves me”. I thank Beyoncé for telling us we all wake up looking flawless but honestly, it’s only Beyoncé who wakes up looking flawless. The rest of us wake up looking like creatures from Stephen King’s nightmares.
- Outfit enhancing. Big, floppy hats or slouchy beanies make us all look like we’re so cool we didn’t even try to look this cool when actually we did try to look this cool and are we looking cool can someone confirm we’re looking cool? Hats add a je ne sais quoi to what might otherwise be a rather boring outfit.
- Comfort. For the love of cozy kittens, hats are like comforters for your head. It’s like hey, I’m cold, let me put something on my head. Or hey, this chair sucks, let me cushion my head. How about hey, this pillow isn’t doing it for me, let me put another pillow-like thing on my head. Of course, if you’re wearing a baseball cap, this applies less. Those hats are better for giving you slight soreness and, once removed, ugly forehead.
- Going incognito. You probably don’t really need to go incognito unless you’re mad famous dawg, but hey sometimes we all need a little “DON’T LOOK AT ME. DO. NOT. LOOK. AT. ME. I’.M. NOT. EVEN. HERE”. In any case, if you’re trying to go undercover, may I also suggest sunglasses?
- Supporting something. Fan of a sports team? There’s a hat for that. Fan of your workplace? There’s probably a hat for that. Fan of a band? If there isn’t a hat for that I guarantee you can at least find a t-shirt. Support away, baby.
I own about 4 hats. Here’s to many more.