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Lottery Ticket

Last night, I was in a supermarket when a man standing in line next to me decided to hand me one of his purchased lottery tickets. In fact, he turned to me, plopped it down on the counter where I was paying, and said “Here’s a million bucks”. I’m not sure why he did this, but I’m going to try and come up with some things that may have been going through his mind when he did this:

  • He was totally into my whole vibe and didn’t know how to ask me out, so he gave me a lottery ticket.
  • He was totally into my whole vibe and didn’t know if he should ask me out because he was a good 25 years my senior so he gave me a lottery ticket.
  • He actually thought that my whole vibe was a homeless one and figured I could use a lottery ticket.
  • He is the Messiah. The Messiah is big on the lottery. Everyone will be getting a free ticket very soon.
  • He can sort of ish see into the future and knew that, at the very least, this particular lottery ticket was a total dud, so he was like meh whatever I’ll give it to this chick and look like a hero.
  • He thinks it’s good luck for winning the lottery and does this every time he buys lottery tickets. (He should maybe revisit this ritual, because it did not seem like he was a millionaire)
  • He’s a superhero, albeit a pretty lame one considering the Supermans and Batmans of this world. “Hey guy, your superpower is gifting random strangers with lottery tickets!!! YOU’LL TOTES GO DOWN IN HISTORY”
  • He hasn’t done a good deed in awhile. This was his opening.
  • Maybe I just genuinely give off a Mother Theresa kind of aura and he thought he could get in good with me
  • I imagined this whole thing. JUST KIDDING IT’S SITTING ON MY FRIDGE, THANKS TO AN OFFENSIVE MAGNET I OWN.

In any case, i appreciated it.

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My 2014 resolutions

  1. Incorporate many varieties of seafood into my diet, because often cooked seafood looks the same way it did when it was alive. I am very uncomfortable with this, and yet I feel as though there is some deep, metaphorical lesson to be learned here. With time, not only will I be able to eat all types of seafood, but I will learn this lesson.  It will have a deep impact on me.
  2. Walk the family dog whenever I’m in town. This will mean more bonding between us, and perhaps in the long run I will receive the same love from him that my father does. This love will be the kind of love that inspires me to do something great with my life. Probably.
  3. Wear even more black. I wear a lot of black already but the more black I wear the more people will respect me. I will need this respect for real life stuff.
  4. Do a better job of keeping my apartment clean. I heard something about Feng Shui 10 years ago and it sounded pretty cool.
  5. Go clubbing. This is how I am going to free my spirit through dance and inappropriate advances from strangers.  Not to mention I might finally learn to walk in heels.
  6. Call my friends instead of texting them. Hearing his/her voice is important, and video chatting is only for supermodels and/or pretending not to watch yourself when really all you’re doing is watching yourself.
  7. Do volunteer work. This will translate into “having things to do” and all that time I devote to being Beyonce in front of my mirror really isn’t doing anything for my resume, or mankind.
  8. Purchase a raincoat. It won’t look cute, but practicality is the mark of a real adult. Plus, I’ll stay dry, so, that’s a thing.
  9. Keep a journal, and write in it once a day. That way, I won’t be tempted to make everyone who follows me on social media aware of all of the boring things I do. I’ll have already told someone; me. Me is enough, sometimes (unless I take a great picture and apply such a spot-on filter that everyone MUST SEE IT).
  10. Learn the differences between types of wine. I’m getting to a point where bartenders just want to mother me because wine confuses me endlessly, even if it’s usually what I order.
  11. Check out museums for all that culture people keep telling me about. When inside a museum, actually read the little plaques that accompany the pictures, sculptures, images etc. They are not just there for you to nod at and immediately ignore.
  12. Stop downloading sad music. This is what we gravitate to when we are sad. This will make things so much worse and TOO INTROSPECTIVE. Only download happy music, or pay the price later.  Hello breakups, bad days at the office, and generally anything not good: meet the sad music that will DRIVE YOU INTO A DEPRESSION YOU DID NOT NEED TO EXPERIENCE.
  13.  Try weird flavours of gum. I don’t have a good reason for this, I’m just trying to be adventurous, but not so adventurous that I experience fear of any kind.
  14. Find a way to tell people you eat gluten-free that won’t make them roll their eyes. This will be a challenge, but it happens often enough that it needs to be dealt with. I won’t be making apologies for my sensitive stomach but I will be rocking your world with how pretend-casual I am about it.
  15. Suck it up, and admit to really enjoying unattractive pyjamas.
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